


domestic!au

by kaihanbitches



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Comfort/Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 01:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14885229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaihanbitches/pseuds/kaihanbitches
Summary: He feels a weight settle again that anchors his heart-- he is certain that it is an undeniable rush of love. He puts his hand over his chest once more, not for experimentation but in a physical attempt to push his heart back into his chest before it flies out. (repost from a 2013 lj entry)





	domestic!au

Jongin will wake up in the morning, throwing off white comforters and lay in bed; he will breathe. Sometimes he’ll lay a hand on his chest and press down and breathing will seem a little hard which is funny because breathing is practically the first nature of all living things. He’ll feel his heartbeat rising and falling and think that he is only human after all; that is also part of his nature.

  


When he lifts his hand off his chest, the weight will be lifted but he’ll still feel the lingering weight as if it were still there. His arm will be a little sore from the pressure and it distracts a bit from the weight on his chest and then he’ll fidget from the warmth of the bed and he will eventually get up.

  


The first thing he’ll do is pad his way to the shadowy halls and sneak into the sunlit kitchen where Lu Han is making breakfast. Sometimes, Lu Han will sing in his practiced Chinese and sometimes he will sing in slowly, carefully punctuated Korean and it will all still sound the same: like the lilting voice of an angel.

  


Today, Jongin stands by the doorway kitchen  and observes how Lu Han’s apron hangs loosely but securely around his thin frame; Lu Han’s body appears in the form of the mixture of a petite woman and a lean male but there is no mistaking that Lu Han is entirely male anatomically unless one calls for a severe punch to the face. He feels a weight settle again that anchors his heart-- he is certain that it is an undeniable rush of love. He puts his hand over his chest once more, not for experimentation but in a physical attempt to push his heart back into his chest before it flies out.

  


He sneaks across the floor and sneaks his arms around the curve of Lu Han’s waist. The fabric of Lu Han’s shirt brush against Jongin’s arms and he almost mourns the lack of skin-to-skin contact when he can feel the tight contraction of Lu Han’s muscles Lu Han is taken by surprise.

  


“Good morning,” Jongin will say. His voice will be rough from not not being used and ladened heavy with sleep. His eyes will droop but the clear mischief that dance in his eyes tells the story of how long he has been awake. Lu Han will wrinkle his nose like he does, and Jongin will berate himself for thinking the jokingly look of disgust is handsomely cute on a face like Lu Han’s-- it only makes him fall father in love after all.

  


“Ugh, good morning to you too Monster Breath. Did you brush your teeth yet?” It’s all in fun when Jongin purposely breathes out, “I _have_ n’t brushed my teeth yet. Is there _some_ thing wrong?” And Lu Han will try to elbow and wriggle his way out of Jongin’s grasp but Jongin will just tighten his grip and press his body closer.

  


“Is there something wrong Lu _Han_?” Jongin purposely hisses his smelly breath near Lu Han’s face so the smell will be even stronger. Lu Han pushes a hand to Jongin’s face, trying to separate himself from Jongin who is sticking to him like the binding of a hardback covered book.

  


By the way Lu Han is giggling, Jongin doesn’t feel too guilty distracting him from making breakfast or subjecting him to the horrors of morning breath; it only makes him cling harder. He doesn’t have to lay a single hand on his chest to make his heart beat faster; it just happens when he is with Lu Han but he will later blame it on the extersion of holding Lu Han in place.

  
  
  


“Why are you guys already awake?”

  


They turn and find Sehun sleepily rubbing his eyes and pouting his way towards the kitchen.

  


“Sehun-ah, it’s almost noon. As much as I love sleeping in, even I have to get up eventually. Do you want to have some breakfast _after_ you wash up?”

  


“What are you, his _mom_?”

  


“Yeah! What Jongin said!”

  


Lu Han just rolls his eyes, and threatens to drown breakfast in dish soap if they don’t hurry up and go brush their teeth or wash their faces. Sehun squishes himself in between Lu Han and Jongin.

  
  
  


“You love me too much to do that.”

  
  
  


“I do.” Sehun and Lu Han share a quick kiss and Jongin makes an exaggerated _ew_. He means it, but he pretends it’s a joke and it makes him feel a little disappointed in himself.

  
  


“You’re just crabby because you haven’t found yourself someone to love yet.” Sehun sneers jokingly but it slams hard like a brick to Jongin’s heart and the pain throbs numbly. Sehn threads his left hand with Lu Han’s and their engagement rings twinkle in the light. The weight is back but it seizes his throat also, so he rolls his eyes in reply because he can’t trust his voice to betray him. He’s gone too far to regret now, too far gone to try, too far in to break the happiness of his happiness. In his heart, he knows he’s already found the person he’s loved and has always loved. It’s just that the person he’s loved found someone else to love.

  


“Maybe I have,” Jongin says; he doesn’t trust himself to say much.

  


“ _Really._ Who is it?” Lu Han seems innocently curious and all too gossipy-- must have spent too much time with Baekhyun.  


  


“You’ll never find out, hyung.” Not if he has anything to do with it. Jongin knows love, he might not have experienced it many times but he knows he feels it because his heart tells him that it is. He will protect his dearest and most cherished hyung’s feelings even if they don’t belong to him because he wants his most loved person to be happy. And that is enough for him.

  
  
  
  
  


He feels a weight in his heart. It’s not a physical one, nor is it a happy one, but it is a different one. It feels like pain and it’s not just something that he can create or manipulate by will; it is a pain that makes his stomach churn and his heart clench. Even if he presses his hand to his chest, the weight of the pain doesn’t even seem to change. It feels a little like sadness. It is the weight of the heavy rain that beats on in his heart.

  


“Today is a perfect day for a picnic,” says Lu Han. Jongin grins to bear it and agrees.

 


End file.
